hectic

AHHH
i am back at college for my second year!
everything has been so hectic...that is why I barely got to write on this thing.
I have been trying to settle in but classes and work has kept me quite busy.
How is everyone?
Well, this a quick one...
I will write more later.

Signing out from Beantown!

unknown

just wanted to put this up from Post Secret:
THE STORY OF MY LIFE! LOL!

so the "outing" didn't happen because everything got hectic...LONG STORY!

i know it'll happen soon...just don't know how.

Possible situations I have replayed in my head:

"So did you guys see the season finale of the hills? oh and btw, i'm gay..."

or

"did you guys get the new issue of advocate...oh wait, i didn't tell you I was gay?!"

or

"i like my cucumbers large"

the last one is just awkward lol

well, kudos to me...for turning something serious into a joke!

bday!

it's my bday!
time to celebrate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to be or not to be?

AHHH i am having second thoughts about coming out...
this hormone of mine also known as testosterone...it is the death of me.

Some days I am horny like a horny little school boy...
and some days I am just mellow.
i am like that little dog that wants to hump everything in it's path...man, i am too honest sometimes.

so how is testosterone and my 'outing' related?
well, i feel that my hormones sometimes overwhelm me so much that I get really anxious about coming out. Other times, I get nervous and less anxious...!

so there are exactly 11 days remaining till my birthday... or also known as "D-day" or even more precisely "the day i might come out"
i am in a very pensive mode right now...
I need help!

I AM ULTIMATELY AFRAID OF COMING OUT...not because my friends might not accept me but because there is the possibility of being A BAD GAY?

WILL I BE A BAD GAY?
by this i mean, what if i don't find a guy or no one finds me attractive...?
so many questions...!!!!!!!!!!!
i believe that there is someone for everyone...of course...
but will i be successful in finding such a person?
this romance and love thing is way too much work.

I guess i will find out once i come out...EEKKKKKKK!

Gay is IN!

Lance Bass reveals that he is gay! wow!
Darren Hayes decides to come out of the closet!
the news made me very happy for some odd reason

countdown until I come out to my friends: 17 days
i'm pretty much numb!

I like long walks on the beach!

You know you're lonely...
when you find yourself browsing through gay dating sites. This is absolutely terrible. It's official I am lonely and I didn't think this would ever happen. I have great friends who keep me company... but I am romantically lonely. I shouldn't be browsing through unknown and strange profiles... it isn't the real thing. Even worse... I have no gay friends and I am not OUT. So it will be a while until I can go out into the gay scene and meet a potential "friend". I feel like my odds are 1 out of 1,000. For now, I can only humor myself.
This is just sad.

you know what's funny.
In real life, I am very outgoing and crazy. I am usually the wild one who likes being the center of attention. But this blog brings the quiet and reserved personality that has been suppressed. I guess I dealt with my personal problems and secrets in a different way compared to others. In order to contain such a big secret that burdened me, I made up for it by being talkative and goofy!
It has worked in my favor... but the secret is still buried within me. A co-worker recently asked if I was gay or straight... I said straight...and I wanted to cry.

I keep on betraying myself... I think I am worth more than that!
I am looking foward to the day I actually put a face to this blog by posting my real picture... oh will that make my day!

superficial world

just got back from work...
full time jobs are no fun at all... can't wait to go back to school
if you want to find out where I work and all the great adventures I have at work you can email me at hiddenconfessions2006@yahoo.com

I am more protective about revealing too much information on the blog which might ultimately give away my whole identity...

So there has been a lot of things on my mind lately...
gay people...specifically gay men.
it seems that it is a very difficult thing to be a gay man in today's world. Everything and everybody seems so superficial. Gay men especially. In the world of gay men, influenced by media and porn, we have to be hot and muscular in order to be attractive. There seems to be a lot of pressure placed on the way we should look. I am all for hot guys with hot bodies. However, I also know that there exists a lot of more important qualities that exist deep within the skin. A guy can be hot but if he is conceited and rude, I will never love or like him. I'd have to say that for me, personality is a very big factor in who I like. I like guys who are sweet (I think a mama's boy is adorable), loving, romantic, laid back, FUNNY (A HUGE PLUS), determined, tolerant, accepting, intelligent and just down to earth. I like a guy who wants to go out and have fun but at the same time wants to stay home, snuggle and watch movies all night long. I want a guy who will hold me in his arms and never let me go... except for the occasional bathroom breaks, etc. I love guys WHO DON'T TRY. Groom yourself but don't forget there's a whole world out there to explore...don't be too obsessed about how many times you have to pluck your eyebrows to keep them nicely shaped. I will be quite forgiving to a guy who might have an untamed and bushy eyebrow but goes out there and makes other people smile. Man, am I idealistic or what?
Just want a sweet and caring guy...I can go on forever but I will leave that till next time.

The underlying point is...
as gay men we face a lot of prejudice, discrimination and intolerance.
However, after all this segregation we face...we seem to do it to each other by emphasizing appearance over personality.
when will we learn...beauty is only skin deep (very cliche, I know).
Well, just a quick rant :]
good day!

once again from Post Secret: